


The Air Begins to Feel a Little Thin

by TooManyFandomsForACleverName



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: How Do I Tag, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Post-Canon, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2017-07-02
Packaged: 2018-11-22 07:28:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11375445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooManyFandomsForACleverName/pseuds/TooManyFandomsForACleverName
Summary: Jeremy convinces Micheal to go to another party. Micheal doesn't expect to react this way.





	The Air Begins to Feel a Little Thin

Micheal was sure his heart had never pounded quite as quickly as it was right now. His fingers found their way through his hair once again. A faint memory of his mother telling him his bad habit would lead to a receding hairline passed through his brain. _Yes; that's it,_ Micheal thought. _Mom. Think of Mom._

Once again, Micheal's brain betrayed him, hopes of his mother grounding him fluttering away. His hands moved from his hair to tightly gripping the porcelain sink in the bathroom, deja vu hitting him immensely. _Fuck,_ he thought, as memories of the Halloween party flooded through his brain. The look of disgust in Jeremy's eyes as he called him a loser. The feeling of being drowned, surrounded by loneliness. The desolate isolation of the bathroom as the party raged outside. 

And here he was again. The thumping beat, the smell of booze, and Jeremy's distant laughter all too familiar. Micheal felt the hot tears welling behind his eyes and cursed himself.

_God, you're pathetic, a voice in his head whispered._

"No," Micheal mumbled under his breath. 

_No wonder Jeremy ditched you._

"No, no," Micheal reiterated, voice cracking from tears.

_You're not good enough for him._

"God, please, no. Not now," Micheal pleaded, voice growing in volume and desperation. 

_You never were._

"Fuck, no!" Micheal yelled, fist slamming into the wall. The tears were coming fast now, out of both self loathing and pain. _What a fucking idiot,_ Micheal thought bitterly, gripping his bruised knuckles. Sobs were racking his body at this point, his mind too far gone to be concerned with the noise he was making. 

"Hey, Mike?" Jeremy called through the door, knocking lightly. "You okay?" 

Panic began to flood through Micheal's body. _He can't see me like this. He can't see me like this. He can't-_

Jeremy's voice came through the door again: "You've been in there a while, buddy. You didn't fall in did you?" His awkward laughter followed. When Jeremy was met with nothing but silence and muffled cries, he spoke again. "Hey, Mike? I think I'm gonna come in now."

"No!" Micheal answered, cringing when he noticed how much his voiced cracked. "I-I'm fine. Don't worry."

Outside the bathroom, Jeremy's eyebrows furrowed. He knew his friend, and he knew he wasn't fine. He pursed his lips in thought. "Are you sure, Mikey?"

"Y-yep!" Micheal paused to clear his throat. "Completely fine! A-okay over here! Totally tubular! Grand and groovy!"

Jeremy's frown grew as his friend continued to lie to him. "Well Rich is about to light some blunts. I just wanted to let you know in case you wanted some." Jeremy's arm raised to the back of his neck, a telltale sign he felt awkward. He felt a thick sadness growing. Since when were things awkward with Micheal? 

Jeremy coughed a little before speaking again. "And, uh, I just," he took a deep breath, "I'm worried about you, man. Did I do something wrong?"

Micheal almost scoffed in disbelief. _Did you do something wrong? Of course you did,_ Micheal wanted to answer. _You left me. You abandoned me. You discarded me like I was trash, treated me like I was nothing to you. You-_

But he couldn't say that. How could he, when Jeremy had already apologized numerous times? Micheal told Jeremy he forgave him. How could Micheal explain that despite his longing for things to be back the way they were before the Squip, he still held deep resentment for what happened? How could he explain the cloud of doubt constantly shrouding over him? How could he explain- 

"Mikey?" Jeremy called. 

_Focus, M, focus,_ Micheal reminded himself. Problems to handle now. His vision cleared in on the door handle jiggling, and he sent a silent thanks that he remembered to lock it. 

"I'm fine, J. Really. I'll be out in a minute." Micheal said. 

Jeremy's hand fell in defeat, unsure how to help the situation. Sick to his stomach with the heavy feeling of uselessness, he turned away from the bathroom door, away from the person that used to be his closest friend.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading my pals. sorry but i just cant imagine jeremy and micheal being best bugs post-squip without any issues ya feel??


End file.
